This has far too much rambling.

an explanation:

     In my previous post, I left a kind of cliffhanger in the post-script. I feel sort of bad about that because it wasn't meant to be a cliffhanger; I just wanted to tell you guys but didn't want to elaborate on it. (Did I use that semicolon correctly? I hope I used that semicolon correctly.) Anyway, I did touch mouths with a person and I suppose it was pleasant, or at the very least an interesting experience. I feel fewer feelings about it than it seems like I should, which worries me a little bit. Am I emotionally numb or was it just not a big deal to me? I'm really good at repression, so I guess I will see. He's a really nice and really socially awkward guy and we're staying in touch as friends.

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     I know that it's the new year, but in all honesty that doesn't seem like a big deal to me. I have no new year's resolutions to make, because I had a breakdown two weeks ago that necessitated lifestyle change resolutions anyway. The passage of time is always terrifying, so another year gone by is not particularly scary. I did read 60 books this year, which I am rather pleased with.* 

I've made posts with this picture before, but I didn't take photos this trip.

     My family spent the last couple of days of the year up at the cottage, which was beautiful. I can never get over the fact that an entire lake can freeze over. Just a bunch of molecules made up of a bunch of oxygen atoms and twice the number of hydrogens can be so many different things. We decided to make a skating rink this year, and cleared a large patch and started to flood it in thin layers to make it smooth. It felt pleasingly Canadian, and a nice change from my week in the US.

     I went for a drive, my first real lesson. The car slid around in the snow, and I had to keep readjusting my trajectory. I made my way down the road at a leisurely pace, my mother and trusted friend beside me the entire time. It wouldn't be a stretch to make the drive a metaphor for my life right now. I'm still figuring out the best way to make my life a path free of swerves, but in the meantime I can adjust my direction as I go. There's no rush, and I have people to help me every step of the way. As long as I don't run over any little old ladies, it'll all be okay. 

     The customary greeting for Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year, does not translate to "happy new year." We wish each other shana tovah, to have a "good year." I like this a lot better. If we think too hard about happiness, we begin to lose the happiness which is right under our noses. For me, the best type of satisfaction does not come from searching for satisfaction, it comes from the gratification I get from a job well done, a good deed, or anything I love. Have a good year, everyone. 


<3 
Gabi

*I'll post a list at some point with recommendations in bold. At some point.