Thursday, December 27, 2012

I wrote most of this last week. Here you go.

     I really like this airport. How many times has that unexpected statement been made? Not many, I'd bet. But I really do enjoy sitting here. It's Toronto's city airport, on a quaint island on Lake Ontario. (I use the word quaint rather loosely, as I'm surrounded by brushed steel and Ikea-esque lighting, but this is still more homey than Pearson.) They even feed us here. There's a little alcove with tea and biscuits and cans of pop and you can just grab some food if you're feeling at all peckish.

     It isn't really the free food or the comfortable chairs or the mod lighting arrangements which makes me enjoy sitting and waiting for a flight. Not even the wi-fi, believe it or not. The reason I'm enjoying myself is that for the first time in way too long, I can breathe. For the first time in far too long, the constant worrying about my  grade point average and volunteer jobs and that e-mail I still haven't replied to - there is ALWAYS an e-mail I still need to reply to - is ebbing away. For the first time in far too long, I'm letting myself sit down in front of my much-loved Thinkpad and write without any particular goal in mind.

       I know that it won't last very long, because tomorrow I will be trying to hold off a panic attack as I am thrusted into a room with 900 people I do not know. And I know that I still do have to reply to that e-mail and that my GPA needs to be at least three percent higher and that I really should practice transposing guitar songs to the key of G. But that does not need to matter right now.

     I have herbal tea and a little packet of shortbread cookies whose caloric value will hopefully be forgotten as soon as possible. I have fingers poised on home row and a mind attuned to sentence structure and another seventeen minutes until my flight begins to board. I'm letting myself enjoy creating the words weaved together by my not-quite-talented mind.

I've missed this.

 I think I've just had the best week of my life. It was indeed as terrifying as I thought it would be when I wrote the above post, but that dissipated.
     I have met some of the coolest people I've ever encountered over the last 7 days, and Boston is a pretty awesome city.  We had some AMAZING guest speakers and I started to figure a lot of stuff out about my religious beliefs. I bought Portal 2 socks at this fantastic store as well as a gift for my brother and for my best friend. =D
A nice pair of legs wearing the socks. (the legs were not included in my purchase.)

  I will try to make my posting schedule better in the future, but no guarantees. I have life jumping at me in all directions and have work to do to climb on top of the pile of responsibility monsters. I am starting to make my way through followers' posts as well.


P.S. ikissedaboy

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Well, hello there.

In the last month or so, I have done a lot of things. (No, not like that.)

Imma list some because why not.

1) Did (and finished) NaNoWriMo.
2) Got lost in tropical storm in 5 degrees Celsius on way to NaNoWriMo event.
3) Had a male suitor. Sent disinterested brainwaves to male suitor. Disinterested brainwaves worked.
4) Harmonized onstage.
5) Cried under the pressure of my schedule.
6) Cried when the pressure eased up.
7) Jumped into a computer and battled evil!CommtechTeacher, Pokemon Crystal style.

I've been busy. I've been really, really, really busy.
My goal for this week is to write a real blog post.
I miss writing on here.

Today is my birthday. Weird.
I'm getting Facebook notifications and wall posts from people who I barely know. Do they think we know one another more than I think we know each other? I've always been the overly friendly one, and I wonder if I'm changing.
How many changes have I accumulated over the past year and how many will I gather in the future? When do past mes become different people than present me?
I wish I could keep track of the changes. You know, shove them on a graph or something. It would be interesting. Maybe a little bit painful or a little bit too egotistical. But interesting.

I have to go to my volunteer job now. I play guitar at a music program for young adults with developmental disabilities. I really like them.They're good people.

I'm out.

<3 Gabi

P.S. I will catch up on your blogs to the best of my abilities, I promise.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Gabi's brain is spinning wheels. Graph the function.

The rain outside is falling down in a pre-apocalyptic kind of mood. Then again, it could all be projection. We talked about that in my introduction to psychology class. How the way we see the world is much less dependent on reality itself than our own ideas. 

I've been interested in boundaries lately. When does one thing become something else? When does a stream become a river, or a twig become a stick, or a tropical storm become a hurricane? The boundaries seem quite arbitrary, yet we can usually instinctively figure out whether a shade of grey is closer to black or white. 

When does daylight stop being daylight and become progressively darker shades of blue until the stars come out and suddenly it's night? 

When my family drives north to the cottage, how exactly do industrial buildings morph into fields with cows and then into uninhabited forest without us even noticing?

When does rain stop being refreshing and begin to turn into cliched symbolism for tears which I can't for the life of me get rid of right now?

. . . I've always been told I ask too many questions. 

Um. Life right now. 
I'm doing terribly in math class. I've been trying to get a new supply of gumption*. It's tough. 
Finding it difficult to eat, I don't know if it's the stress or something else. I'm usually pretty good at stress. This doesn't make sense.
On the bright side, NaNoWriMo is coming up and that is rather exciting. There's a regional event tomorrow night and I'm super-excited. 

<3 Gabi

*"A person filled with gumption doesn't sit around dissipating and stewing about things. He's at the front of the train of his own awareness, watching to see what's up the track and meeting it when it comes. That's gumption." - Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Friday, October 12, 2012

I like music and I am sleep deprived.

I got a math tutor. When I think about it, I know that I needed one.
I hate asking for help. It's so far from being my nature that it doesn't even occur to me that maybe my teacher is there to answer additional questions. I like being self-reliant, and it isn't always a good thing.
That's why having a tutor is so incredibly painful.
I go through an entire hour, twice a week, of asking for help. It's sort of helping my math mark. Ish.
Admitting shortcomings. It's a good thing, I think.
Now I just need to actually change.

On another note, NANOWRIMO IS REALLY SOON. I'm excited. My region has so many amazing events. I need to plot more. Any advice for writing children's fantasy?
If you don't know what NaNoWriMo is, check it out.

Sleep deprivation is bad. Get sleep, you guys. This isn't fun.

I watched The Notebook for the first time last week. Maybe I'm getting sappier with old age, but it's the first movie which has made me cry in a tears running down cheeks way. Isn't it funny how our opinions on things are often based on how many tears are shed?

Life's been busy, and I haven't been keeping up with my blogger people as much as I would like to.
I'll be trying to actually reply to comments and stuff.

Here's something I made in commtech when I got bored.
I challenge you to make something uglier.

Hoping for a real post sometime soon.

<3 Gabi

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Apparently squee isn't a real word. grumble.

Hi blog.
I have a confession to make.
I've been. . . with Tumblr.
Hear me out.
It isn't that I don't love you, blog. I can improve my writing skills marginally through the posts I write here of dubious quality and everything!
I need a place where I can attempt to be elegant, where I can attempt to finish my sentences before dissolving into keyboard smashes and squees. You, Blogger, are where I go when I need to put on a fancy hat and sip a cup of tea as I opine on literature.
I need the warm fuzzies that one can only get from a loving commenter.
I really like you and am not going anywhere soon.
I really like tumblr as well.
I enjoy the squees and fangirling and CAPS LOCK.
I enjoy the gifs and Nerdfighters and Mary Poppins Time Lord.
The satisfaction I feel when my posts are reblogged is wonderful.

I'd really like to use both of you.
Blogger, how do you feel about polygamy?
(I'd ask tumblr too but it has so many OTPs I'm sure it's fine with it.)

This is my tumblr if you were wondering.
Wheeeeeeeee posting on three hours of sleep is fun!
I wrote a 700 word stream of consciousness thing about the sensory overload anxiety of math class but it was too serious and too stream of consciousness for anybody to ever see it besides me. Instead I wrote that and I don't know if it is coherent at all.
My life right now is a blur of the impossible number of things I've committed to this year (I need a time turner) heavily seasoned with a daily dose of crap-i-don't-get-math.
On the bright side, I made it onto the yearbook committee as a writer. It makes me feel better about myself.


P.S. 25th post! That is happy-making.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

I have a love affair with sentence fragments.

So I mixed vanilla pudding with milk and now l’m drinking it and it’s so delicious.
Nobody will be able to tell that I am drinking pudding. I can pretend to be healthy but I am drinking pudding! 
The pudding milk is mine. All mine. 

I SHALL NAME IT PUDDING-MILK. Its nickname can be Pilk. It is so cute. 

And I cam-whore (unattractively) and act weird online yet again. 
I think that the first week of school drove me a little bit insane. It's my junior year and my brain just keeps refusing to accept that what I do this year has an actual bearing on my future. (Especially since I'm taking two grade 12 courses.) 
Math is still difficult, but I like math a lot and am trying to apply myself, so it will be okay.

I just discovered that in Sweden they call hot girls "puddings." 

I finished The Night Circus today. It was a beautiful book. I really liked it.

That is all.

<3 Gabi

P.S. I'm sorry that I don't make sense or write with quality or insight or maturity. It will happen at some point.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

This post should actually be part of my previous post. I'm a rebel.

This is me standing on top of a beaver lodge in a provincial park in the middle of Northern Ontario. The meadow surrounding me used to be rushing water, then a dammed up pond filled with lily pads, and now this.

Cool things about beavers:

  • When attacked, a beaver can grab its prey with its two front teeth and drag the attacker underwater until it is drowned.
  • If you stuck your iPod and a pair of speakers in the middle of a field and played the sound of rushing water on a loop, a beaver might build a dam right over it. They're kind of stupid.
  • Beavers mate for life, unless their partner dies.
  • That partner could die being crushed by the tree it is cutting. Beavers cannot predict which way a tree will fall, and beaver skeletons have been found underneath tree trunks.
  • Beaver teeth have iron in the outer layer to strengthen their teeth so they can cut down trees like this one.

This is a real beaver, too.

In conclusion, I like beavers too much.

Also, here are some gnomes we found on the top of an isolated mountain. It was a magical experience.

<3 Gabi

Friday, August 31, 2012

     I never know how to start blog posts. All those fiddly words and paragraphs sometimes make me overthink things, even though blog posts don't have to be fine-tuned in the least.
It's just something that bothers me sometimes.

I got back from a fantastic family camping trip this morning.
     I bushwhacked, stood on beaver lodges, and even survived two nights sharing a tent with my dad and brother.
     While watching the sunset from the rocky shore of our camping site, it really sunk in how lucky I was to be Canadian. I'm so glad that I get to live in a country with freedom of expression and education and lots of trees (and rocks and water). Then my grandfather sat down beside me and started to rant about US politics, which wasn't really in the mood but still made me feel glad to be Canadian (or at least not American).*

     I wrote a few songs this week, which I've never really done before. Turns out that I accidentally made one of them sound far too similar to  Bowl of Oranges, but I still like the lyrics. I also learned The Cave on guitar. Did I mention that I sing in the shower?

I've got to go and husk corn.

<3 Gabi

*No offence intended to my readers from south of the border. I just don't like politicians.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Back to city-lit skies.

Hello, I'm back. I should go sleep, but a room with just myself in it seems daunting. 

My summer was fantastic. Tons of work, and fantastic. I really like lists and I'm not functional enough to do anything else, so here you go, if you feel like it. (I don't have many photographs because my camera was stolen.)

Some stuff I've learned:

  • Carefully apply sunscreen to avoid a thin and inexplicable red stripe on your left shoulder.
  • Pack extra underpants. Do not lose half of them.
  • To avoid Jewfro, don't EVER brush your hair when it's dry.
  • Your hair is not as bad as you think.
  • Wearing polka dot rainboots, striped kneesocks, and plaid short shorts together is much, much worse than you think. 
  • If you want something, go for it. Fighting for what you want is easier than you'd expect.
  • Don't spend too much time in your castles in the air, or you'll miss out on opportunities to achieve them on land.
  • Don't apologize for who you are. If change is required, just make the change. 
  • Sometimes people will surprise you with a sudden revealing of awesomeness. If they don't, that's cool too. It isn't necessary to like everyone.
  • Don't lend things if losing them would make the lending unworth it. (I failed to follow this one and lost my camera and the 300 pictures on it.)

Some stuff I was told:

A friend: "There's a fine line between hipsters and gay people." 

A good friend who I liked: "I'd never judge you because you vomited cheddar penguin crackers all over the floor in the middle of your cabin. In fact, I respect you for it. Wait, no."

Eccentric Israeli: "Now, what I say is always look of the life side of bright. There's a deeper meaning to this if you think about it. You see, bright has many sides, and one of the sides of bright is life. Life is one of the brightest sides of bright so you should always look at it, yes?" 

Same Eccentric Israeli: "Apart we are like couscous. Together we are. . . something else!" 

Some stuff that's in my memory box:
Our counsellors gave us all boxes. Mine is decorated with varieties of duct tape. We put stuff in from our summers.

From left across
  • A medallion, with the Hebrew word for judge in silver Sharpie. Made carefully. 
  • A paper bag puppet named Oswald. 
  • A black and white playbill for a camp-run production of Little Shop of Horrors. My name is on it.
  • A party hat, blower thingy, and tissue paper flower
  • A piece of caution tape
  • Me.
  • A duct tape bowtie
  • A menu
  • A small cup and a large cup
  • A hurried essay I still won with.
  • A piece of the ocean.
  • A newsletter
  • A (mock) wedding invitation
  • A piece of a bowl I broke.
  • A movie poster for Return of the Cheddar Penguins (Story about that later.)
  • Words of wisdom 
  • A handful of compliments

Here's a picture. It's really classy. I'm the one with both curly hair and boobs. (Or the one on the far right.)

I've missed the internet. I've missed you guys. I wish I had time to catch up on your lives by reading your old blog posts, but I'm afraid I don't. Any updates? How was your summer?


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

My posting is getting worse and worse. :'(

Hi there!
I'm about to leave for camp. And there will be no internet. For two months.
So yeah.
Have a good summer, guys.
<3 Gabi

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Teens Can Write Too

So my post for TCWT is forthcoming but will not be ready on time. I'll stick it here when I get the chance to write.
I'm in the middle of exams and everything is insane.
In the meantime, check out the other blogs in the chain!

My stuff will appear when possible.
June 8––hazelwrites
June 9––A Farewell To Sanity
June 10––This Page Intentionally Left Blank
June 11––The Zebra Clan
June 12––You Didn’t Really Need To Know This…
June 13––Dragons, Unicorns, and Other Random Things
June 14––Comfy Sweaters, Writing, and Fish
June 15––Kirsten Writes!
June 16––Lily’s Notes in the Margins
June 18––Reality Is Imaginary
June 19––Tangential Bemusings
June 20––Musings From Neville’s Navel
June 21––All I Need Is A Keyboard
June 22––The Incessant Droning Of A Bored Writer
June 23––Teens Can Write Too! (We will be announcing the topic for next month’s chain)

Thursday, June 14, 2012

The closer exams come, the less I understand.

     I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine today. It started out about signing yearbooks, but it somehow ended up in a completely different place. It made me want to write something. It's the first thing I've written that even vaguely resembles verse for a long time. No idea if it's any good. But it's honest.

A Little Thank You
For the people who speak in my language.
Who speak in concepts and metaphors.
Who speak in wishes and hopes and ideas, weave them into an array of syllables and a mutual understanding.
For the people who understand.
Who understand that the thickest dictionary is a poor stand-in if you can't use the words with conviction.
Who understand that there's listening, and then there's listening. 
For the people who listen.
Who listen to learn, not to lecture.
Who listen to find the dimensions of meaning behind mere speaking.
For the people who speak in my language.

     Yeah. That was it. It felt weird to write something with actual structure for the first time in ages.

In other news, here is a picture of my brother's new puppy with bad exposure.

His name is Leo.

Hope you're all doing well.


Monday, June 4, 2012

Does the pony negate the sophistication of the Magritte?

     Most people have special skills, ones they consistently excel at through hard work and/or raw talent. I'm not one of those people. I have no talents *. I bow to the superior writing of my blogging peers. I let the singers take care of harmonizing as guitarists finger frets without my interference. Baking souffl├ęs is outside of my expertise, and I can barely draw stick figures. I'm not even especially photogenic, goshdarnit!

     Strangely enough, I've accomplished bits and pieces everything I mentioned above. My writing, singing, guitar playing, baking, drawing, and face in photographs have all been complimented before. I'm decent at all of the things listed.

. . . So my talent is being almost talented at things?

     I was going to write a conclusion or something, but I drowned my sorrows in making a My Little Pony/Magritte reference and posting it on my new tumblr

Because it's only a representation of a pony? Geddit?
I'm not even a brony, why did I do this?

Did I mention that I am EXTREMELY untalented attention span wise?


*With the exception of my ability to contort my disproportionately long arms over my head in a way that looks kind of cool.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

In which I come across as insane due to heat exposure.

"You have internet friends?"
"Well, yeah."
"I thought only lonely paedophiles had those."
"Yep, pretty much!"

     And that's why I don't usually bring up my friends of the interwebs in company. They are fantastic, though.

Apologies for the lack of posting, life is busy. This is mostly an I'M NOT DEAD sort of thing. I haven't had the time to read/comment on any of your blogs, which I am upset about.

If you need convincing of my business:
  • I sang in front of people. (It went decently.) 
  • I ate cheesecake
  • I graphed lines
  •  I balanced reactions
  • I ate ice cream
  • I almost failed a math quiz 
  • I got t-shirts from the internets. 
THERE IS MORE. But it is way too boring to bother sharing. This isn't supposed to be like a diary. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WRITE WITH QUALITY, GABRIELLE. Blaaahhh.

Let me just make it through exams.


Monday, May 14, 2012

Just another link in the blog chain.

"Why do you write?"

     It was the 30th of November, and my hands were sore. I was typing gibberish quite frantically as the clock ticked towards midnight and failure. Nyan Cat was the only song upbeat and innocuous enough to keep my hands moving. I detested it. That is what led me to a crying nervous breakdown while writing my (absolutely awful) absurdist fantasy novel.

     Now, somebody who was not completely familiar with the writer-ly sort of attitude may ask a completely reasonable question. With a strange look on his face, he may ask me: WHY?

I just think that this is adorable. 
     Why on earth do I put myself through the ordeals of writing? Why are the pain and the suffering and the keyboard calluses even worth it, not to mention the editing? 

     There are many answers I could give to that, but none really pin the tail on the metaphorical donkey. 

     I can't claim that beautiful words just magically stream through my Dixon Ticonderoga* on to a page, partly because I'm out of pencils, but also because I'm not particularly talented. I mean, I like to think that I'm not too bad at writing, but I also can't seem to harness that uncanny ability to make words into poetry.

     As cool as it would be to be a published author, it isn't really a goal of mine. Thoughts of the publishing industry make me shiver.

     I suppose that there are a bunch of little things which make writing gratifying. My love for words and the way sentences work, and the mathematical precision of grammar. The way it feels to finish a piece and the sweet, sweet pain of editing and editing and editing. Seeing something which comes across as meaningless to others and thinking, "that could make a good story." 

     As little sense as it makes, I write for the small things. There's something else, also. Writing has always been something I've done. Writing is a part of who I am. It's just what I do.

* My favourite pencil. Yes, I have a favourite pencil.

Why yes, those are little pencils. 
Thus concludes my Teens Can Write Too blog chain post. 
It's been written on three hours of sleep. 
I highly recommend reading what other bloggers in the chain have to say. Links below! They're all fantastic and eloquent and stuff. 

. . . I'm going to go faceplant on my bed now.

Want to follow our blog tour? Here are the participating parties, day by day:
May 5––The Leaning Tower of Plot
May 6––Comfy Sweaters, Writing and Fish
May 7––Cassidy Marie Rizzo
May 8––This Page Intentionally Left Blank
May 9––You Didn’t Really Need To Know This…
May 11––The Word Asylum
May 12––Lily’s Notes In The Margins
May 13––The Zebra Clan
May 14––Tangential Bemusings
May 15––Reality Is Imaginary
May 16––Dragons, Unicorns And Other Random Things
May 17––The Lonely Recluse
May 18––A Farewell To Sanity
May 19––The Incessant Droning Of A Bored Writer
May 20––All I Need Is A Keyboard
May 21––Teens Can Write Too! (We will be announcing the topic for next month’s chain)